Unintended Consequences

 Unintended Consequences

A Spoken Word Poem by Bryndilynn Goodlin

Imani. 2 days old. Parents afraid of propaganda—do not vaccinate. Vitamin K is not a vaccine, but misinformation and mistrust in a system cause fear to activate. 

Imani. 2 weeks old, bruising, bleeding—her parents, afraid of healthcare did not listen to our heeding. Nose bleeds, brain bleeds, bloody stool—one shot is all it would have taken to keep her in this world.

Eliana. 9 years old. Mother forced to have her, gave her to the state, to live unwanted and unloved—a product of fear and hate.

Eliana. 9 years old. Her last words wishing she had been a product of abortion, instead of raped and beaten, her life a sick distortion. 

Jamal. 12 years old. His mother working 3 jobs, too busy for his appointments. Too tired to learn what to watch for, as her child slips into ketoacidosis. 

Jamal. 12 years old. An A1c of 17, a pH of 6.4. 6 weeks in the PICU, we should have kept him more.

Ronaldo. 50 years old. Doesn’t trust the doctor, refuses shots and pills. His kidneys failed, can’t feel his limbs, stuck inside his will. 

Ronaldo. 50 years old. Full of fear, mistrust, and theories, blinded by his politics, and killed by diabetes. 

Maggie. 60 years old, but she looked like 89. Comatose, on hospice, but her family wouldn’t let her die.

Maggie. 60 years old. Drank her liver to death, but didn’t leave a DNR. Chest compressions, shocks, and bag masks, kept alive for 2 hours more.

Ohana. One second old. My first delivery, my first week of 3rd year—inspirational. But week 2 taught me toxic culture, what it means to be shamed and reminded that I am not irreplaceable.

Ohana. 2 days old. Ohana means family, family…I care for you like I care for “insert name”. Mother, father, brother, daughter, but do you actually care? Or is she just another number—MRN, Room Number, Age, APGAR score. 1601 is a 2 day old female born at 37 weeks to a 17 year old G1P1 via SVD with a ROM time of 17 hours. De-identified and de-personified, another number on a list. Are we professional or burnt-out, struggling to just exist? 

We preach the 6 pillars of lifestyle medicine, but for yourself you’re told to pick only 3. Will you choose food, activity, relationships, stress management, avoidance of substances, or sleep? A profession built around curing others but notorious for killing its own. Reminded that naive premeds want your spot, you better change your tone. Solve your burnout with wellness lectures, they’re better than a break. Better than a full night’s sleep, or 2 days off a week. Smart phrases, SMART Goals, pain that smarts, ISMART, am I smart? Questioning my sanity as I’m told about resilience. Imposter syndrome, full of dread, they’ll see my lack of brilliance. 

Dr. Jing Mai. 26 years old. The latest public killing by a system that says you’re replaceable—cheap labor used for billing. Keep your head down, be an asset, don’t dare to say a word. After all, your voice is valuable as long as you can’t be heard. But please fight back, don’t be silenced, change this toxic culture. Don’t perpetuate the system just because it’s always been—be confident and loud—you are the future.  

Imani, Eliana, Jamal, Ronaldo, Maggie, and Jing. Time of Death: Too Soon. Victims of unintended consequences in a world that’s out of tune. 

*Insert Name.* *Insert your years old.* *Insert your story,* it’s yours to unfold. Don’t be passive, to hell with evals, if it’s wrong, take a stand. Nothing’s ever going to change if we keep sitting on our hands. 

Are we victims of unintended consequences or are we something more? Are we fighters against a broken system claiming “change is at the door?” Change is never easy but to hell with the status quo. I’m done seeing another dismissal, another suicide, another doctor feeling like a puppet in their show. Don’t be afraid to get in trouble, don’t let them take your crown. You are valued, intelligent, and fully adequate. Carpe diem! vive la révolution! We won’t go down without a sound!